Archive for the 'Mediation' Category

Insights from Heavy Metal

Best wishes to everyone for a very happy and joyful 2012!

I’ve never been a fan of heavy metal so I was surprised to find myself watching a documentary called Anvil! The Story of Anvil (2008), about a Canadian heavy metal band that didn’t quite achieve legendary status the first time around but now are enjoying a renaissance. The movie is wonderful -it’s about friendship and being passionate about what you do from deep down in your heart. The documentary follows them around for a number of years, as the band tours in various venues and faces all sorts of challenges, financial and otherwise. At one point Steve “Lips” Kudlow, after behaving badly, says to his band co-founder and friend (and brunt of the bad behaviour), Robb Reiner, “If I can’t express myself and blow up at you, who have I got? You’re the closest person I have.”

It’s a great example of how we often hurt the ones we are closest to and whom we love the most. There are various reasons why this may happen – including feeling safe enough to be angry with that person or the fear of getting too close leading you to push a loved one away. In any close relationship, whether it be between siblings, spouses, or parent and child, we learn how to “trigger” our loved ones and they in turn learn how to trigger us. And when there is a conflict, separation, or disruption in a relationship, these triggers are often used in a way that prevents people from having a real conversation. It even happens in workplace relationships.

When conflicts between two or more people in a relationship are mediated, the mediator can be there to witness the triggers being used and to help the participants recognize that often beneath the bad behaviour and hurtful words are affection, love, or good intentions. Mediators can help re-establish lines of communication and help people have a conversation about what matters most to them, and then come to an agreement about how to move forward. Sometimes it takes someone outside the relationship to help those inside the relationship uncover its goodness.

January 03rd, 2012 | Comments Off